


New Leaf

by RbtlSR



Series: The Woods are Lovely, Dark and Deep [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Depression, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Recovery, Self Harm, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-22 09:02:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RbtlSR/pseuds/RbtlSR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Buried Bruises. Reid is doing better. Now might be time for Morgan and Reid to reexamine their relationship and discover new feelings for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blossoming

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my previous story Buried Bruises. I just couldn't resist continuing.
> 
> You don't have to have read the previous story to understand this one, but I would recommend it.
> 
> Oh yeah, I should mention there will be slash, and there are possibly some mild self-injury/cutting and (past) sexual abuse triggers.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

_Three months later:_

Reid still had good days and bad days. The bad days, however, were becoming less and less frequent. He hadn't self-injured in 11 days! He went days at a time without the urge. Life was enjoyable sometimes- something Reid never though he'd experience again.

Morgan had, those three long months ago, much to Reid's displeasure, only agreed not to tell the team on the condition that Reid visit a psychiatrist. Initially Reid had laughed at this notion. Surely he was better at psychiatry than anyone in private practice in the Virginia. Still, Morgan had insisted and Reid had acquiesced. He owed Morgan that much.

Even though Reid could have manipulated the hell out of the dowdy middle-aged woman that he chose he decided to play along. How could he, in clear conscience, recommend treatment for unsubs, hell, even his own mother, but then refuse it for himself?

The psychiatrist spoke to him several times (just enough for him to mentally diagnose her with trichotillomania and OCD with slight narcissistic leanings) before directing him to a therapist and prescribing him fluoxetine, an SSRI antidepressant, which he took obediently.

A month later he found himself amazed. Even though he understood the process of inhibiting the reuptake of serotonin in the synaptic cleft, allowing it to bind more to receptors, he was still amazed at how well it worked. He knew there was a valid scientific explanation, but it still shocked him in how it changed his world view. It was not a complete fix, but it made him feel whole; it killed the never-ending despair that had previously filled a metaphorical cavity in his chest. Granted, he still had urges, but he could talk through them or wait it out and eventually they would subside.

His life, in a short three months, had gone from being bleak with rare moments of dim happiness to positive with occasional dark moments... and he had Derek Morgan to thank. Derek Morgan, his sturdy rock of a friend, who had discovered his deepest secret, and instead of fleeing in terror had stood by his side. Derek Morgan, who had confiscated all of his sharps and later held him while he sobbed. Derek Morgan that had joked and laughed with him. Derek Morgan, who was a beautiful person inside and out. Beautiful. _Straight_.

Morgan had been spending more time with Reid. If you asked him why he would have told you that it was because he wanted to make sure that Reid was doing OK. That was only part of it though. He actually enjoyed the younger man's company. Reid had really blossomed lately. He wasn't always happy, but Morgan was OK with that. It was not a losing battle. He could see progress with Reid every day. Reid was comfortable with him now- not that he wasn't before, but the experiences that they had shared meant that Reid was much more willing to open up. Morgan was also willing to share things with Reid to keep things balanced. Besides, the kid was a good listener. He had actually comforted Morgan on more than one occasion.

It wasn't all serious though. Sometimes they would watch movies, tease each other, play games, talk about women or sex... Well, they only talked about sex once. That was awkward. Morgan tried not to think about the feelings that that conversation had given him. Besides, both he and Reid were straight after all. _Right?_


	2. Awakening

Upon finding out that Reid had never even heard of _Fight Club_ , Morgan had decided that it was time for him to get some pop-culture education, starting with film. And thus, Saturday night became movie night. At 8pm Reid would go to Morgan's apartment for popcorn and a movie of Morgan's choice. He pretended to to hate the films that Morgan chose, but to be honest he had a lot of fun. Hanging out with Morgan was fun.

It was the fourth of their movie nights and the film of the night was _Killer Klowns From Outer Space_. It was half an hour in and Reid was not amused.  
"This movie is so awful!" he whined

"That's the point, boy genius. Stop analyzing it and just enjoy it."

"Shut up and hand over the popcorn" Reid demanded, reaching over.

"Ah-ah-ah, you might regret popcorn soon."

Reid rolled his eyes "Shut up and gimme the popcorn!"

Morgan stretched his arm out, holding the popcorn as far away from Reid as possible.

"Heeeeeeey" Reid playfully whined, trying to reach it without moving.

"Nope!" teased Morgan back "You've eaten more than half already anyway!"  
Reid tried to look menacing and Morgan just chuckled.

Deciding that he'd had enough, Reid started to scramble over his friend to procure the salty snack.

Morgan was too fast for him, however. Before he realized what had happened, Morgan had grabbed his wrists. Reid's heart leapt... the last time this had happened it had not been good... but a quick glance at Morgan's mischievous grin let him know that they were messing around.

Reid quickly stuck his tongue out at his captor in a childish and playful gesture, and then rolled on top of Morgan in a dominating gesture (though his arms were still at Morgan's mercy).

Morgan chuckled ominously. A look of questioning and then realization flitted across the younger man's face as he realized what was about to happen.  
Morgan rolled forward off the couch, landing with Reid under him.

Neither of them were paying any attention to the movie anymore. They were giggling like kids that had just had a pillow fight. But then the laughter stopped.

Both of them were breathing a bit heavily from their skirmish. Their eyes locked, their chests rising up and down.

It was then that Morgan realized that he was on top of Reid. Spencer Reid. Holding his wrists above his head. Straddling him.

And the realization had dawned upon Reid a few seconds earlier that Derek Morgan was on top of him. He could feel the warmth of Morgan's strong body and his weight on top of him. He wondered what it would feel like to be naked under Derek like this. What would Morgan do if Reid suddenly thrust his hips up? He pushed away the feeling of excitement that jumped inside of him.

At least, he tried to. Unfortunately his body wasn't listening to him. For some reason his body was reacting to Morgan. His face blushed red as he realized what was happening in his pants.

Morgan, too, was experiencing his own embarrassment. Something about the sight of Reid's flushed face and the fact that he was straddling him set something in him on fire. Before he could stop it he began to get hard. He had to resist the urge to start grinding his hips against the younger genius beneath him.

He couldn't take this any longer without his will breaking.

And then, Morgan rolled off Reid. He got back up and sat down on the couch and handed Reid the bowl of popcorn. "Alright, you win" Morgan stated, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice, before focusing all his attention back on the movie (or at least pretending to).

Reid was confused. Had Morgan realized what he'd been thinking? Had he ruined everything with his awkwardness? Trying to hide the despair he felt swirling around in his chest he got back up and sat down on the couch as far away from Morgan as possible.

He didn't want popcorn anymore.


	3. Opportunity

The second the word "Minnesota" left Hotch's mouth, Reid shuddered. He hated cold weather, dreary days, and the wetness of the snow, and because it was early February he was guaranteed all of those things.

The case was not particularly gruesome, at least not as BAU cases go anyway. Homeless men were turning up dead at seemingly random intervals. The only connection was that they were found in parking garages.

This was not much of a comfort to Reid, however. He hadn't been sleeping well for the last few days, ever since his movie night.

-

As he lay in bed trying to fall asleep, the soft night light casting a glow across the room, his thoughts would always return to Derek Morgan. Between the covers in nothing but his boxers he played the moments over and over in his head: Derek calling him "Pretty Boy," Derek clasping a hand on his shoulder, … Derek on top of him, grinning. As he thought about Derek on top of him, his large warm body so close to his own, Reid would feel his cock twitch. He couldn't stop himself from imagining what Derek looked like when he came. What did his cock look like? How was he in bed? Did he like it rough? What would it feel like to have Derek thrusting inside of him? Slowly but surely Reid would grow erect, all the unwanted but sexy thoughts racing through his head. The urge to slip his hand down his waistband was almost irresistible.

But a huge sense of guilt came with these feelings. Derek was most certainly not interested in him. Derek had done everything for Reid. Their friendship was purely platonic, yet here he was betraying that trust by thinking about his friend in the most intimate of ways. He felt disgusted with himself, as if he were violating his best friend.  
The thoughts were persistent however. This was how Reid stayed awake past the point of exhaustion into the wee hours of the morning: battling the urge to pleasure himself to Derek.

-

They arrived long after the sun had set in the snow-covered State. The chilly air bit into their faces and the snow on the ground soaked into their shoes as they walked off the plane. It was 10pm, well past the hour that anything productive could be accomplished, so it was decided that they would spend a night in a hotel and get settled before they had to face the grim case in the morning.  
The local precinct advised them that there was only one small hotel in the entire town, so choosing where to stay wasn't difficult.  
Directions were sent to them and they soon arrived.

Their hearts sank as they drove up to the building. A neon sign blinked in the window, illuminating the barren exterior.

Scraggly bushes surrounded the building. The bricks that it was made up of had cracked decades ago, and the paint had become nothing more than specks. Overall the hotel gave the appearance of being poorly maintained and grungy, with a possibility of bed bugs.

"Well it's not the Hilton, but it'll do" Rossi tried to cheer everyone up.  
No one was amused.

They were exhausted, however, and so they quickly filed into the run-down building.  
The woman at the check-in counter informed in a very bored them that there were only three vacancies. She looked at them as if she were doing them a favor, allowing them to rent three rooms.

They were too tired to be terribly annoyed, and everyone quickly paired off: Hotch and Rossi, JJ and Prentiss, and, of course, Morgan and Reid.  
Reid felt his heart jump in anticipation.

-

He wasn't feeling nervous at all. That's what Morgan kept telling himself as he walked down the hall to their room. No reason to be nervous. Just sharing a hotel room. Nothing new.

At least, until he walked into the room. It was not the kind of room meant for two heterosexual males to share. A full sized bed sat in the center of the room with a small desk with drawers pressed against one side and a wall on the other. A small bathroom was tucked away near the door.

Worst of all, they were along an exterior wall. There was no thermostat in sight, but the room was frigid. They could hear the wind howling outside, and every time a strong gust came it rattled their window and they could feel the cold draft.

Morgan and Reid exchanged awkward glances.

"Um... so are we sharing the bed then?" Reid finally managed to ask.

"Unless you feel like sleeping outside!" Morgan replied back with more confidence than he felt.

Both of them were already shivering.

An awkward silence came between them. The hotel was far too cheap to have a TV, and it was late anyway. The only option that they really had was to go to bed.

Morgan grabbed his go-bag and slipped into the bathroom. He sighed in relief at just having a moment of privacy, though he knew he'd have to go back out in a minute. He splashed cold water on his face in an attempt to calm himself, but his thoughts were racing, and all of them were about Spencer and none of them were clean. Before he could develop a large and embarrassing erection he quickly pulled on his pajama pants and tight V-neck and stepped out of the bathroom.  
As emerged he saw Spencer pulling his shirt down. He found himself disappointed for a second that he had not actually walked in on Spencer naked, but quickly berated himself for that thought.

Still, he found himself eying the younger man up and down. He was in a long-sleeved shirt of course (he was still self-conscious about the scars, even though Derek had seen them several times before) and a soft-looking pair of pajama pants. Morgan wondered what the fabric would feel like under his hands.

Reid averted his eyes and Morgan realized that he had been staring. He felt warmth flood his cheeks. Had Reid noticed?

Reid awkwardly fumbled with the corner of the blanket before sliding in under the covers, still trying to avoid eye contact. He curled his body half-way into the fetal position, back to Morgan, and willed his brain to turn off. He was being inappropriate. He had no right to want Morgan in this way. Morgan would probably be disgusted if he ever knew. Revolted. Because who would ever want him? He was awkward both physically and socially. He never said the right thing, he wasn't charming or cute or funny, and he was most certainly one X chromosome short of being Morgan's type.

Really, could he blame Morgan though? All he had ever been was a pathetic failure. Morgan had pitied him and all he had done was get even more emotionally needy and vulnerable. It was pathetic. He should stop wasting Morgan's time.

Morgan had turned off the light (leaving a night light on of course, darkness being the inherent absence of light and whatnot) and crawled into bed as well. His back was to Reid's, but he could still feel the warmth and comfort of having another body next to him. It was all he could do not to wrap his arms around Reid. The urge felt so natural, as if it would be all that he ever needed.

He reprimanded himself. This was Reid, dammit. Spencer. A valuable person and trusted friend. He closed his eyes and tried to will the thoughts away. He was supposed to be a professional, for fuck's sake. As his mind drifted through the fog between reality and sleep he was brought back by the faintest noise coming from the other side of the bed. A sound that he had heard too many times. Reid was crying.


End file.
